The Case Against the Honey Deuce
The US Open's signature cocktail is forced, overpriced, and kind of gross.
Day 6 of Left Open, Club Leftist Tennis’ daily leftist coverage of the 2022 US Open.
In our totally commodified world, it’s sometimes hard to differentiate between genuine tradition and the stories that are crafted in boardrooms to sell us products. In sports especially, where a rich history of records broken, rivalries reinvigorated, or comrades winning doubles matches together, capitalists have no shame in exploiting our desire for meaning to create useless junk to sell back to us (as if ticket prices weren’t insulting enough).
Given that sports and drinking go together like the Bryan Brothers, it’s perhaps unsurprising that specialty cocktails are a cheap way to get people to feel like they’re buying into a tradition, whether real or fabricated. There’s the Kentucky Derby’s Mint Julep (authentic but clearly belongs to the ruling class), Wimbledon’s Pimm’s Cup (a historical cocktail that’s now a brand), and since 2006, the US Open’s Honey Deuce.
If you’ve been to the Open in the past 15 years or so, you’ve definitely seen the $22 alcoholic beverage. Interspersed throughout the whole grounds of the tournament, the Grey Goose branded stands that sell it are unavoidable, the interchangeable finance bros in ill-fitting oxford shirts hauling four glasses back to their box seats in Ashe are plenty, and the stacks of the commemorative glasses just keep piling up and up. For the price, it must be pretty good if it’s this omnipresent right?
Unfortunately, it’s not good. And as a leftist, I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
So what is a Honey Deuce? It’s quite simple: Grey Goose vodka, lemonade, raspberry liquor, and some honeydew melon balls on top. In other words, it’s a mixed drink you might find at a college party of first time drinkers made by a 35 year old with a William Sonoma mixology set they got off their wedding registry.
Ok well now you might be thinking, that doesn’t sound too bad right? Honeydew may be the worst kind of melon but I do understand it kind of looks like a tennis ball, and vodka is inoffensive enough, and lemonade and raspberry liquor sounds pretty sweet but it’s hot outside and it could be refreshing. Unfortunately, it mostly just tastes like the water at the bottom of a fruit salad that’s been sitting out for too long. It’s not bad per se, but certainly not worthy to be the signature drink of such a prestigious and important event as the US Open. Let’s be honest with ourselves here, it’s a $22 commemorative cup filled with a little bit of diluted vodka.
So where did the Honey Deuce come from? According to an article in Vogue on this iconic cocktail, the invention of the Honey Deuce is credited to a collaboration between vodka brand Grey Goose and food industry guru Nick Mautone. After hiring Mautone for his consulting services, the article says that there were a few criteria for what the cocktail would be: it had to be easy to make, had to be refreshing, compliment the food available at the tournament, and be “universally delicious”. The capitalist media won’t outright say it, but what it actually came down to is the cheap gimmick of the melon resembling a tennis ball, simple as that. It photographs well for Instagram, and looks kind of expensive so it can command high prices.
At this point a reactionary might say something like, “Ok well of course it’s overpriced, that’s just like every sporting event. And sure its inception seems a bit forced, but are you suggesting that people not drink at the Open?” This false binary should be rejected out of hand. There are many other types of drinks that can make a working class person drunk.
Since I am not against either drinking at the US Open or the idea of having a signature cocktail, I would like to offer a humble proposal. To replace this overpriced and underwhelming potation, I offer the Serve and Volley, or what is more commonly known as the beer and a shot.
When I think about US Open traditions, I think about the common people of New York getting rowdy in the stands while watching their favorite players from the general admission section of Louis Armstrong stadium. While some might frown upon this kind of behavior (and betray their classism in the process), it should be actually be encouraged and celebrated. There’s nothing more New York than having one too many drinks and getting into fist fights in the stands about Novak Djokovic. Let’s embrace the “Open” in US Open and further distance ourselves from the elitism that plagues tournaments like Wimbledon.
The Serve and Volley will keep prices low and deliver alcohol into the veins of the working class more effectively. The Serve (the shot) doesn’t have to be comprised of anything special. Definitely not top shelf vodka like Grey Goose. Something like the union-made Jim Beam ought to do the trick. People like souvenirs, so let them keep the shot glass, which could have a picture of tennis superfan David Dinkins on it. For the Volley (the beer), the Open could buy the similarly union-made Miller High Life in bulk.
Lets reject the illusion of fake authenticity and demand a way to get drunk at tennis tournaments with dignity.