Outside the ATP: A Column from the ATP Insider

Week 1: Racquet Fraud

Welcome to my column, Outside the ATP, the only leftist tennis column on Substack produced by a self-appointed ATP Insider. Consider yourself lucky to be along for the ride as I check in weekly with the CLT readership from now until the US Open. Unlike my slam coverage, subjects here will range beyond the doldrums of the men’s tour to encompass all realms of the leftist tennis landscape. So, without further ado…

Week 1: Racquet Fraud

As the red clay rush of Roland Garros dies down, the tours begin their short and not particularly exciting grass court swings before Wimbledon. I don’t think this interregnum between the summer’s two European Slams is really about watching tennis. It’s about playing it. So, these first few editions of the column will take leftist tennis away from the T.V. and on to the courts. To those dying for a Queens Club preview…sorry?

Whether you’re a beginner buying your first NYC parks pass or a seasoned leftist tennis veteran…someone who, say, was a 4-star recruit in the high-school class of 2012, a semi-decorated Division 3 player, and who’d desperately trying to get in shape as quickly as possible for some Men’s Opens in July…it’s hard to keep up with the goings on in an unfortunately capitalist sector of our sport that amateur players love to obsess over: equipment. It’s a space where misinformation abounds and the slick touch of marketing execs only muddies the water and unnecessarily empties the pockets of proletariat tennis players. It is my duty to provide a quick and dirty leftist primer on gear.

The racquet economy is, bar none, the biggest grift in tennis, and the ways in which the major manufacturers have brainwashed the tennis masses are manifold. To begin, the new versions of racquets that appear, usually every two years, that have been “improved” with “ground breaking new technologies” are, basically, glorified new paint jobs. Sure, there are some tweaks, and equipment tech has undoubtedly changed the way the game is played, but it’s not make or break stuff. Basically, anything made after, I don’t know, let’s say 2010, assuming it hasn’t been beaten to shit, will work just about as well as the sleekest new model.

But Comrade ATP Insider, you say, I take my tennis seriously. The pros change their frames to the newest models, shouldn’t I do that to?

Well, they don’t. Not only do the vast majority of pros use older repainted versions of the racquets they endorse, many[1] are not even using those racquets at all. The pros tend to play with what are called “Pro Stock” models. Basically, these are non-retail sticks designed to suit the needs of a professional player[2] and they can’t be purchased on the retail market. Confusing, I know.

There is, however, hope. The racquet is, after all, an object of immense political valance. It is through politics, too, that racquet selection should, ideally, be decided. Below is my handy and indisputable compass of racquet alignment that will help tennis players of all levels and ideologies choose the proper gear.

Authoritarian Right: Old School Player’s Sticks

Here we find the racquets of austerity. Difficult, joyless frames that will cause the average rec player to hate tennis and/or get injured playing it. The sticks in this category are heavy, with small heads, thin beams, little power, and miniscule sweet spots. They are ideal for tennis snobs who consider any forehand grip beyond eastern to be a form of degeneracy. We have, of course, the vintage Pete Sampras Pro Staff, the 90sq in renditions of the Head Prestige, the ancient Prince Graphite, and, for the most lindy monarchists, anything made of wood.

Libertarian Right: Gimmick and Startup Sticks

Do you think tennis needs to be disrupted? Have the major racquet companies failed to hack the game to your liking? Do you hate things like common sense, labor laws, and the age of consent? Fear not, libertarians, there are tennis racquets for you, too. They’re just extremely stupid. The most iconic denizen of this shameful realm would have to be the two-handled monstrosity made famous by the Battistone Brothers, but there are many lesser contenders, too—racquets with free standing suspension, baffling head shapes, and ad campaigns led by tennis influencers (I’m watching you, Diadem) that are all overpriced, unregulated, and not worth the hassle. Prince, a major company, even tried to corner the moron market years back with their patented O3 tech, you know, when they stuck giant holes in their racquets. Anyone shopping in this quadrant probably goes to a pickleball bar.

Centrism: Focus Group Sticks

Here, we find the most boring and under-imagined options on the market. The exact nature of this category changes over time, as the center, rather than projecting an agenda, slides itself around to suit the industry standard of any given era. These days, you’ll find every brand has, basically, their own version of a 98 sq. inch head, approximately 300 gram racquet of average beam size with a playability profile that should, in theory, be able to reach across the aisle between the old school player’s sticks and the modern spin friendly power frames. The Wilson Blade and the Head Radical are definitely the defining examples of this meta, and they are entirely fine, if not exactly leftist, tennis racquets. Either would be a perfect choice for a DNC tennis mixer.

 Libertarian Left: High Quality Pre-Owned Tennis Racquets

Options abound for the degrowth tennis radical dumpster diving for racquets to arm the clay court anarcho commune. Why manufacture more frames when the world is already saturated with perfectly good, often discarded, out of fashion models that still play nearly identically to the newest options lining store shelves. Find old top of the line frames for $80, or less, at nearly any tennis shop. Scour Craigslist and garage sales, barter for a TI-S2, bring tennis back to the people and take money out of the pockets of the major corporations. Should the high quality pre-owned tennis racquets in your area not suit your exact needs, customize them. Any stick can be made new, re-educated and altered, with the help of some lead tape on the head or silicone in the handle[3]. Go make your own DIY Pro Stock.

Authoritarian Left: The Babolat Aero Pro Drive

There is, quite simply, only one tennis racquet that can be used in basically stock form by both Carlos Alcaraz[4] and any absolute beginner—The Babolat Aero Pro Drive. It is undoubtedly the perfect standardized, industrial racquet for a centralized tennis mass-collective. Any tennis communist should urge the CLT general secretary to immediately nationalize all Aero Pro Drive production and found the People’s Tennis Equipment Factory. For too long, the money hungry Babolat overlords have gate kept these essential racquets from tennis players in need of liberation. Long live The People’s Racquet. Long live The Revolution.

Tune in next week for an extremely high-brow discussion of string. In the meantime, see you on the courts.

-ATP Insider

---

[1] The main exceptions here are players with Yonnex and some of the younger stars with Babolat

[2] That can mean weight or beam thickness, sure, but it also means the frames are actually reflective of their specs. Retail racquets actually have a margin of error of 10 or so grams, which is really a lot, and that’s not even accounting for balance inconsistencies.

[3] I opt for both on my 2016 Radicals. Hit me up for the proprietary specs of the ATP Insider Official Custom.

[4] Who I definitely did not predict to win the French.